Theheartwantstofeel.Theheartwantstohold.ThehearttakespastSubway,pastStopandShop,pastBeal’s,andcallsit“cominghome.”Theheartwantsatrailawayfrom“alone,”sotheheartturnsasaleintoawell-wornmilestonetowardshard-wonsoftfurniture,fought-forfastfood,defendedendtablethatholdspaperbacksandbackU.S.News.Themindturnsanitchintoabruise,andthehandsstarttotwitchwhenthey’refeelingill-used.Andyou’realmostbacknow,youcanseebythesigns;fromthebankyoutellthetemperatureandthenthetime,andthebillboardreadssomeheadlines.Theheadwantstoturn,toavertbothitseyes,butthemindwantsto

learnofsometruththatmightbeinsidereportedcrimes.Sotheyfoundalieutenantwhokilledavillageofkids.

Afterfinishingoffthewives,hewipedoffhisknifeandthat’swhathedid.Andthey’renotclaimingthatthere’s

anyexcusingit;thatwasthirtyyearsback,andtheyjustgetpaidforthefactsthewaytheygotthemin.Now

he’srisingandnotdenying.Hishandsareshaking,buthe’snotcrying.Andhe’ssaying“HowdidIclimbout

ofalifesoboringintothatmoment?Pleasestopignoringtheheartinside,ohyoureadersathome!Whileyou

gaspatmybloodycrimes,pleasetakethetimetomakeyourheartmyhome:whereI’mforgivenbytime,where

I’mcushionedbyhope,whereI’mnumbedbylongdrives,whereI’mtalkedoffordoped.Doestheheartwants

toatone?Oh,Ibelievethatit’sso,becauseifIcouldclimbbackthroughtime,I’drestoretheirlivesandthen

givebackmyown:tensoftimesnowitssizeonafardistantroadinafardistanttimewhereeverynightI’m

stillcrying,entirelyalone.”Butthenewstodayalwaysfadesawayasyoudriveby,untilatdinnertimewhen

youlookintohereyes,litbyeveningsun-that,asusual,comesfromabovethatstraight,unbrokenline,the

horizon-itsrisingisagiven,justlikeyourliving.Yourheart’swarmandkind.Yourmindisyourown.Ourblood

-spatteredcriminalisinscrutable;don’tworry,hewon’triseupbehindyoureyesandtakewildcontrol.He’s

notofthistime,hefelloutofahole.